Lessons in How to Be Offensive

The Internet is a strange place. I got an email from one Russell Moran, who apparently operates a teaching studio for budding musicians in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. He wanted to exchange links with one of my cello teaching pages.

The email was addressed not to Jim Aikin but to Webmaster. It was very unclear to me what the benefit would be of my cross-linking with a teaching site in Dallas, since I’m in Northern California. So I ignored it.

A couple of days later (tonight, in fact) I got a follow-up email from Russell. Still addressing me as Webmaster. So I figured it wasn’t just spam, so I checked out his site. I found it a little over the top. His page on cello lessons doesn’t have much, but it includes this lovely statement: “A cello is a huge violin that you place on the ground and it usually stops at your head.”

I foolishly sent him an email. In it, I said, “That eager display of ignorance will not win you any friends among cellists, Russell. Sorry.”

His main page touting his teaching studio says this: “You will be offered something other studios cannot give you. You will be around a recording studio from day one. Yes, that’s right, we will give you an exciting tour and get you used to the recording environment.” It also says this: “If you are dreaming of being a rock star, starring in a musical, or having your own mp3 being streamed online it starts with lessons.”

I should perhaps have spelled out my objection to this copy more explicitly in the email I sent him. My objection is that he’s selling fantasies to kids — preying on their fond notion that they’re going to become rock stars. Not to cut myself any slack here, I was rude enough to say this: “Frankly, I was also a bit nonplussed by your copy stoking the dreams of kids who want to be rock stars. I guess a lot of kids still go through that — I certainly did, once upon a time — but it doesn’t really have a darn thing to do with making music.”

Of the bit about being “around a recording studio,” I said this in my email: “An enticement like that is pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

So okay, I was being way too honest. I should just have blown the guy off.

Ooh, but did I learn my lesson! Below, in its unvarnished and unedited splendor, is the reply Russell fired back. I’ll forgive him the misspellings — he was obviously overwrought, and didn’t take time to proofread the email before sending it. (Although it’s possible that “joking a gang” is a Freudian slip of some sort.)

Now, you may even agree with Russell that I was being an asshole. A case could be made for that. (Bear in mind, though: He was the one who approached me, not the other way around. He emailed me twice before I responded, and without bothering to learn my name.) He really does seem to have overreacted just a little, don’t you think?

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And now … here’s Russell:

“You are probably the most unprofessional person I have ever talked to online.  Please do not respond as I have blocked you for your negativity and ignorance.  My studio has over 250 students in less than 2 years and growing at a 50% increase every month for the past 3 months.  DO NOT TELL ME how to address the public on my website.  Your website is a PR2 and mine is a PR4.  You OBVIOUSLY no nothing about business, especially web linking.  I have NEVER been this rude to anybody, but I must say, I enjoy being rude to an negative, idiot such as yourself!  I am OFFENDED by what you wrote and will NEVER recommend your site to anybody.

“They copy about a Cello is intended for my students.  I live in a poor community that know nothing about instruments.  YOU should be ashamed of yourself for assuming that everyone knows as much as you do about a Cello.  So, does that mean if I have a 10 year old that is leaning toward joking a gang or getting them into my music program, I should not take them because my copy actually relates to them?  HOW DARE YOU!!!  You are such an arrogant jerk.

“I have packages that allow my students to get into the recording studio and classes that teach them how to be engineer.  The enticement is pathetic.  You’re such an idiot and I’m glad to get you off my list.  By the way, I feel sorry for ANY of your students you arrogant jerk!”

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I guess the main thing that worries me about his response is that he feels it’s appropriate to talk down to people in poor communities by describing the cello in stupid terms. I sort of think that’s racist, but my ancestors came mainly from Scotland, Ireland, and Wales, so I may not be too well qualified to spot racism.

I’m saddened that he blocked my email, thus leaving me no way to contact him and apologize, if I were of a mind to do so. Maybe he assumed I would respond in an intemperate fashion, or maybe he just wanted to make sure he had the last word. (The Internet is a strange place, however.)

The statistics seem a little shaky: If he has 250 students now and has been growing at a 50% rate for the last three months, that would mean that three months ago he had 31 students. I find myself wondering what caused this sudden spurt of interest in music lessons in a poor community. Frankly, my student roster is down this winter, due in no small measure to the poor state of the economy. And I don’t live in a poor community. So … I don’t know.

Other than that, I guess maybe his name-calling is a little over the top.

Just to be clear: As far as I’m concerned, Russell is probably a fine musician and is doing fine work with the students at his teaching studio. I have no quarrel whatever with the man as musician or as a human being. My issue is strictly with over-the-top promises that are spun out in order to promote a teaching business (or any other business).

I view it as highly irresponsible to promote music lessons by trying to encourage students to fantasize that they have a future as rock stars. That’s dishonest, it’s manipulative, and it ends by injuring your students.

It’s entirely possible that a few students, possessed of unusual talent and determination, will indeed end up as rock stars (or pop stars of some other type). I would be the last to deny it, and I certainly hope to have a student like that one day. But it would be wrong for me to hold out any such enticement, because even musicians with talent and determination very often try to become rock stars and fail. The music business is cruel.

There are many reasons to love playing music. The idea that you’re going to find fame and fortune as a rock star is not one of them. That’s my personal opinion, and I’m stickin’ to it.