Glanced at a news story tonight. It appears the head coach of the Oakland Raiders (a football team) is suspected of having broken the jaw of one of his assistant coaches.

This is hilarious, on at least two levels.

First, the assistant coach was flat on his back in the hospital with a broken jaw but declined to tell the police what had happened, and didn’t want to press charges. Just how warped would your value system have to be for you to zip your lip after your boss broke your jaw and threatened to kill you?

Second … is anybody really surprised by this kind of incident? Football is all about beefy guys bashing one another until bones break. The coach wasn’t doing anything he doesn’t urge his players to do on a daily basis.

I have two diametrically opposed suggestions.

One would be to outlaw football altogether. It’s clearly a subhuman form of entertainment. Anybody who likes football … I don’t even want to know why you like it. Just go away.

The other would be to stop being ashamed of the violent ethos of football. Embrace it. What we should do is get rid of the referees, the rules, and the protective gear. No helmets, no padding. Send these guys out on a field, let them beat one another to a pulp and rip one another’s faces off, and sell tickets. Why pussyfoot around? That’s what the fans are paying for anyway, let’s give ’em what they want!

No more hypocrisy. If a football coach wants to beat the crap out of his assistant, I say let him. The assistant knew exactly what he was letting himself in for when he took the job, and he proved it by refusing to talk to the police. Why waste taxpayer dollars investigating the crime?

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