Turf Wars

This afternoon on Marketplace (on NPR) they broadcast one of those industry-generated puff pieces that masquerade as news. This one was about how people are responding to the drought in California by replacing their water-guzzling lawns with artificial turf.

At two or three points, the announcer emphasized how much easier it was to care for artificial turf than for real grass. You don’t have to mow it, the announcer pointed out. And cat and dog droppings don’t burn brown circles.

You can tell it was an industry-generated puff piece because those are obviously lies. I mean, okay, let’s say you’ve got artificial turf in your front yard, and your neighbor’s dog takes a crap on it. Now what do you do? You’ve got artificial turf with a pile of dog crap on it. And maybe it’s a hot day, and you don’t notice it until you get home after work, so the dog crap (which started out wet) has oozed down into the fibers of the artificial turf and then dried.

I wonder if there’s an economic opportunity in marketing wire brushes for cleaning the dog crap out of artificial turf. I mean, hosing it off isn’t going to work, that’s just going to spread it out.

In addition to the inevitable animal problems, there are dead leaves, dead twigs blown out of the trees during storms, dead insects, road grit, and maybe even (if you’re lucky) a dead bird now and again. Oh, yeah, it will be a real time-saver that you don’t have to mow it.

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One Response to Turf Wars

  1. cabsplace says:

    Hahahaha! At first I wasn’t sure where you were going with this one…but this post made me laugh out loud.

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